My Affliction

TW: Poem about mental illness, not advocating self-abuse. If you or a loved one is suffering, seek professional help.

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“It’s unattractive.”
“Put your sleeves down.”
“Hide your legs.
Don’t wear that skirt.”
“You’re crazy.”
“I don’t know about you.
Something is wrong with you.”

These are voices that ruminate
Through an idle and anxious mind
Overwhelmed by the conflicting feeling
I can’t stop self-harming

I loathe myself
How can I love someone
With a disorder known as BPD
(Borderline personality disorder)
Dangling on a cliff
Do I choose life or death?

And people ask me why
So many whys
And I even ask myself why
And left are questions unanswered
Like,
Why am I delusional with irrational thinking? Black and white splitting? Not letting go of toxicity?