Feminists Don’t Want Men to Feel Guilty

They just want men to do better.

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When I was 19-years-old, somebody I was very close to stole from me and lied about it before effectively vanishing off the face of the earth.

I spent my 20s wanting an apology from her, dwelling on it and using her as a scapegoat for any ill-feelings I would have.

I was lonely because of her. I was depressed because of her. I was socially awkward because of her. Or at least that’s what I thought.

And I thought that an apology would fix it all.

It wasn’t until I was well into my 30s that I got that apology. And I was shocked at how little I felt when I eventually got it. Especially since it didn’t fix anything.

What I really wanted was for her to go back in time and not hurt me.

Recently,

Jeff Hayward

wrote an excellent piece entitled “Confessions of a Feminist Man” and it made me think about the nature of guilt as it relates to allyship.

In the piece, Jeff describes his experience of being a man in a patriarchal society and being aware enough to see his privilege.

Some of the older boys I looked up to celebrated sleeping with as many women as possible, and then bragging about it. They were “studs” to be modelled (sic)…