Why We Shouldn’t Compare Our Confidence To Neurotypical Standards

It’s time to stop comparing ourselves to others.

Photo by on

Self-confidence is often portrayed as the key to success, and is highly valued and celebrated in society. For many of us autistic individuals, however, it can be something we grapple with daily. It’s often discussed like it’s something that is easy to develop, yet, the reality for us is that it’s far more complex.

I’ve been reflecting on my own self-confidence recently. Why is it that when I’m on my own, left to my own devices, I feel confident in myself, but when I’m around groups of people I don’t know very well, I shut down and mask? Does this reflect my lack of confidence? Or is there more to it than that?

In this quest to understand why I feel this way, I have recently started getting some coaching. In our first session, I was asked, “What does confidence look like to you?”. Honestly, I found that really difficult to answer on the spot.

Because what first came to mind is someone who is the loudest voice in the room. After all, that’s what many of us have been conditioned to believe, right? Especially at school and work. I was always lambasted for not contributing enough in class when I was younger.

But as I was thinking out loud, I also challenged that response too. Why? Because…