The Space Between Goodbye and Healing

What Heartbreak Taught Me About Empathy

I was 24 when I experienced my first real heartbreak. Sounds too old for a breakup, right? But being raised in a strict family and growing up in a multicultural society, I never really jumped into early relationships. I was always waiting for the “right one.” How silly of me to even believe in that myth.

Don’t get me wrong—I still support the idea that soulmates exist. But maybe the “firsts” are always the trial version. You know, like when you get a free subscription before deciding if you want to pay for the real thing. That one-month trial period? It gives you a rollercoaster ride of emotions: hope, comfort, excitement, empathy… and then it ends. You’re left with a realization—you’ll have to pay the price to experience the real, lasting version. Maybe the firsts are just there to teach us how to hold on better when the right one truly arrives.

Our first heartbreaks usually happen when we’re much younger. We’re naive, bright-eyed, and all too eager to dive headfirst into the thrill of something new. And because we romanticize the idea of “forever,” we end up placing our fragile hopes on foundations not built to last. When it falls apart, it feels like the entire world collapses with it.

But hey—you’re not alone in this. I’ve been there too.

Sometimes it’s too overwhelming to even admit the truth to ourselves. We suppress our feelings, shove them under the rug, distract ourselves with work, social media, food, anything. Because facing the storm of emotions means being vulnerable—and vulnerability is terrifying.

But here’s the thing: facing your emotions doesn’t make you weak. It’s the opposite. It’s bravery. Giving yourself the space to sit with your sadness, anger, or confusion—to really feel them without judgment—is where healing starts. You have to uncover those hidden layers, one by one, even if they sting. Especially if they sting.

There were days I felt like my heart was racing so fast it might explode. I had so much energy—pent-up emotions, restless thoughts, anxiety—that I didn’t know what to do with it all. It felt like grief and rage had turned into fuel. And I made a choice: I was going to channel that energy into something meaningful.

At the time, I was working in a hospital. Surrounded by patients, many of whom were alone, scared, or in pain, I began pouring all the love I no longer had a place for. I smiled more gently, listened more patiently, and extended comfort that I myself desperately needed. In return, I felt something shift inside me. My emotions stopped hiding—they began to surface, slowly and steadily. And along with them, something else grew: empathy.

You see, pain makes you softer—not weaker. It teaches you to see others more clearly, to feel what they feel without needing to fix it. I wanted to be cared for, so I started caring more deeply for others. I wanted someone to hear me, so I started truly listening to the stories behind every pair of tired eyes I saw in those hospital beds. My heartbreak, which once felt like a curse, became a doorway to connection.

That’s what heartbreak does if you let it—it transforms you. It burns away illusions, forces you inward, and rebuilds you from the ground up with stronger bones and a wiser heart.

But one thing I’ll say loud and clear: Don’t blame yourself. Maybe you were the one who called it off. Maybe you thought that meant everything that happened was your fault. But relationships don’t break because of one person alone. Love is a shared responsibility, and so is the hurt when it ends.

So if you’re sitting in the middle of that uncomfortable space—between goodbye and healing—I want you to know it’s okay to feel it all. Cry, scream, write, pray, run, rest. Whatever your body and soul ask for—give it.

But remember this too: that space won’t last forever. Slowly, without realizing it, you’ll begin to breathe easier. The pain will sting a little less. One day, you’ll catch yourself laughing at something silly. You’ll notice how the sunlight warms your skin just right. And you’ll think, “I’m okay. I’m actually okay.”

And when you finally meet someone who feels like home—truly, deeply—you’ll be grateful for the journey that brought you there. Even the heartbreak. Especially the heartbreak. Because it taught you to love yourself first. And in that self-love, empathy was born—not just for others, but for the one who needed it most: YOU.