My Inmate Student Developed a Crush on Me

How I broke his heart and endangered mine

“C’mon Ms. R*,” my inmate pleaded. “You know I didn’t mean anything by it. You know me. You know I wouldn’t do that!”

H* had just come from a meeting with custody and had received a harsh warning about his behavior toward me. Now he was back in my class, and I was dealing with his tears.

I’m not talking about a simple wetness of the eyes. Rivers of tears flowed down his cheeks as he peeked up at me from his seat. His neck was bent and he pulled his arms in close to his body. His eyes looked like a child’s—ashamed, and scared. It’s been weeks, and the image of his face in this moment still haunts me.

“I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it,” I comforted him. “We just have to make sure that boundaries are super clear. Neither one of us wants to get in trouble over a misunderstanding, so it’s important that we are all on the same page.” At 5 foot 1, I rarely tower over anyone. But in this moment, he seemed so small and I felt big and mean. Is it possible that I’m overreacting? I thought. I intentionally used a soft voice and kind eyes as I delivered words that were meant to be reassuring.

Clearly they weren’t. After class, he stayed to confront me. This time, he wasn’t crying. This time, he was indignant…