Chapter 16 of book “Memoir of an Immigrant Mah Teacher”: To Live On an Island

(I am publishing chapters of a new book. It has just won the . This is chapter 16, one of my favorite chapters, about a teacher who inspired my son, now living on an island. I hope you enjoy reading it.

To read the book from the start, see . )

CHAPTER 16 TO LIVE ON AN ISLAND

Ms. Mel was my son Matt’s science teacher in sixth and seventh grade. She had just moved from California to teach at Matt’s school, a high-achieving middle school where over 60% of the students came from relatively affluent Asian immigrant families. On curriculum night, I sensed in her an earnest, busy, capable, and kind — if somewhat nervous — young teacher. Her brilliant introduction made many parents wish they could take her class, including my wife and me.

In her teaching, she incorporated many state-of-the-art teaching practices and content from Stanford, where she received her teacher’s training. When I told Matt about the groundbreaking genome-editing technology I had read about in The Code Breaker by Walter Isaacson, he replied that Ms. Mel had already taught it — and had even allowed the students to experiment with this cutting-edge technology in her class.

Matt couldn’t stop talking about Ms. Mel. On her birthday, he gave her a gift card and organized a class surprise. Ms. Mel sent us an email that warmed our hearts. She said whatever we did to raise Matt, we should just keep doing it.

While vacationing in Costa Rica, Ms. Mel was impressed by the natural wonder and educational potential of the region. She organized a science field trip to Costa Rica for the 2020 spring break. Many students signed up enthusiastically, including Matt. Single-handedly organizing such a complex international trip was a daunting task. So many forms and procedures, so many questions from parents, so many meetings to figure out the preferences and trip details. I couldn’t imagine taking on such a task as a teacher myself.

Then COVID hit. Ms. Mel postponed the trip several times and finally gave up. When the semester ended, I heard that Ms. Mel took a year of leave from school to take care of her mother, who suffered from Alzheimer’s. I also heard that Ms. Mel got divorced.

During my ULW program, I remembered that Ms. Mel had graduated from a similar program at Stanford and decided to call her up to ask for advice. I ended up knowing more about her from the hour-long conversation than the two years when she was my son’s teacher.

Stanford’s program had a similar size and structure to ours but more prestige, with a roster of star professors who had invented many leading teaching theories used in our program. Like our program, half of the time was spent on field experience as an assistant teacher in schools, and half was dedicated to teaching theories.

While I doubted the usefulness of theoretical learning, Ms. Mel loved her program and thought everything was just wonderful. Through the program and later in work, she saw how inequities play out in schools and society. In her teaching, she tried to use what she learned to make sure every student had an equal opportunity to learn. She believed in the mission of creating a more just world through teaching and pursued it wholeheartedly.

Growing up, she has always wanted to make her single mother proud. Going to Stanford and becoming a teacher did it, but it was a hard path. During her teacher’s training, she often had to work a full day as a teacher, then went to Stanford to continue theoretical learning until late evening. Some evenings, she didn’t even have the energy to drive home. She taught in California public schools for six years before moving to our state. Her second school was in Sunnyvale, a city known for its high home prices and big high-tech companies, in stark contrast to the fact that half the students in her school came from low-income families, and most were Latino.

Despite her dedicated efforts, many students simply didn’t listen to her. She tried her very best to accommodate and motivate them to learn, but every day, when she was driving home, she was crying. Though she did not feel it, the students felt the differences, and some told her she was the best teacher they ever had. She won the Teacher of the Year award in the district. Yet she still left. She wondered out to me if some of those students were still dealing drugs today: “Did I really change their lives?”

Every time I saw Ms. Mel, she looked tired, preoccupied, and a bit nervous. She looked like she was always trying hard but unsure if the world would be satisfied. Teaching 6th and 7th graders was tough for her because students that age were very energetic, curious yet uncontrolled, constantly trying to test the boundaries. She treated every student patiently and gave them learning opportunities, but she thought a few students (including Matt) really gave her a lot of support and comfort and thanked me again.

She wanted to get away from the crowd and the expectations weighing on her shoulders. I wanted to ask what those expectations were, but I didn’t. She had just left her cramped commuter condo and bought a house on an island a few hours away. Inadvertently, she let slip, “Costa Rica was the last straw.” Suddenly, I understood: the pressure of all these years had never left her, and she was burned out.

As we were finishing the conversation, I looked out the window onto the lake. A light mist had begun to gather on the surface, and the opposite shore was barely visible. Far beyond the lake, across another body of water, was Ms. Mel. Would we ever see her again? Would she ever return to teaching? How had this happened to one of our best teachers?

She stayed on the island and never returned to teaching. After that, I only heard bits about her life from Matt: she was tutoring online and had just had a baby. A few years later, when Matt traveled to the island for a track and field event, I wanted to give him a nice surprise. I texted Ms. Mel to let her know, she replied but didn’t say whether she would come.

During the event, I was busy working as a parent volunteer and didn’t watch Matt run. When I got a moment to see him afterward, he was jubilant. He saw Ms. Mel right before starting his run and chatted with her briefly after finishing. Then she disappeared into the crowd, just as mysteriously as she had appeared for him, like a guardian angel. Matt broke his 400-meter personal record under her gaze. To this day, Ms. Mel still inspires him to be his best.

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