FLASH FICTION
Grayson’s Grief
Death Brought Life
As I stood in the front yard in early May, your presence beamed in my soul. The maple trees flourished, and workers trimmed the grass. My grandson, Gil, will get me through this. A water fountain in the backyard had a gazebo near the oak tree. A tall pine banister circled the property. Warm rays spread, massaged my cheek, and retreated like shadows, escaping the harsh reality that things could never be the same. You could never return as my older brother. Some days I could take it; others, I was at my wits’ end. It’s been six months, and echoes of your footsteps still move through crowded rooms.
I keep going over that day, wondering what I could have done to save you from yourself. The worst part is failing to find an answer. When I couldn’t blink to sleep, I would kiss Carly’s cheek, sit on the maple porch, and blow smoke rings from a death stick. I would look at the stars, wondering if you could see what I see. I’d be someone Gil could admire. I admired you, and I’ll tell Gil all about you. If nothing else, I know you’d want that for me. We only knew pain, false starts for a reset, and you fell through the cracks of the bridges you burned. My wife, Carly, would come outside. She’d take a cigarette from my fingers, smoke it, and tell me it was bad for me. She had a dark sense of humor, so I knew you’d love her.
Carly’s father died a while back in a car crash, so we carried each other’s burdens. When she’d come down on herself, I told her it would be okay. She would sob in my arms. That’s where she felt loved. Carly sat in my lap and kissed me. It was better than her telling me she loved me. I wish you could have gotten this drunk off a kiss. We sighed in relief. When I’m down, she tells me we’ll get through this together. We’d pray. We pray often. It’s too bad we stayed away for so long. I couldn’t stand your drinking, and you couldn’t stop drinking.
“Papa,” Gil said, stepping across the red rocks. Gil has a good appetite, just like you did. I pulled back from entertaining distorted thoughts and swooped down to sweep him in the air. He drooled and laughed, nibbling on his tiny fingers. ”Again, Papa,” he said. “Higher!” I’d toss Gil for the angels to escort him to meet you, but only if they brought him back before dark. Mom used to hate us being out after dark. I withstood Mom’s correction with a switch on my backside. Carly had a ball and bat for Gil. Gil’s mom, Tara, came outside.”You got so tall, kid,” I said as she entered my arms.”I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long,” Tara said. “The firm keeping you busy?” Carly said.
“You have no idea,” she said.
“Always make time for family, sweetheart,” I said, looking at Gil, but my mind was on his future.
“I’ve got a surprise,” Tara said. I looked at her.
“Is it a good one?”
Carly laughed.
“Of course it’s good, right?”
“I’m moving down here,” Tara said. “I applied for a transfer, and they even promoted me.”
“We’ll be able to see him more?” I said.
“I’m going to need a sitter,” Tara said.
Carly and Tara had their eyes on me.
“What?”
“Dad, you’ve been asking to see him.”
“I guess I could make him mustard sandwiches.” Carly laughed.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake.”
“I’ll kill you if you make my child eat that,” Tara joked, pointing at my face.
“We’ve come a long way since then, haven’t we, kid?” Tara hugged me. “You’ve made me a stronger person, Dad.”
“I can tell how much you love Gil, and I know he’ll need you as much as you needed your brother.”
“Is that right?” I choked up. Carly moved her fingers across her damp eyes. “Carly and I talked about it,” Tara said. “We all need this.”
“Welcome home,” I said. Gil was up in my arms, slobbering on my shirt. Tara smiled. “Indeed, Dad. Welcome home.”
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