A News Bouche: August 31, 2023
Welcome to the inaugural edition of A News Bouche, a brand new round-up of news stories mixed with some commentary and jokes! Think of this as a quick way to keep up with current events, but doing so while laughing instead of the usual crying. We plan to keep each update short & sweet, or at least short, because who has the time?
For the first time in recorded history, doctors in Australia . For months leading up to the discovery the woman reported suffering from stomach pain and night sweats, which then turned into forgetfulness and depression. Doctors suspect the worm originated from a substance called “tequila”.
NPR had a story about the , which sounds like a cheesy Netflix show about people who refuse to wear underwear trying to find love in a boxers-or-briefs world. In reality, it’s a group that supposedly provides support for couples who marry for love — without the consent of their families (spoiler: they may not actually be corrupt). Arranged marriages are still common in India, which is wild from an American perspective. We only have marriage for money or social advancement on The Bachelor.
Speaking of America, it wouldn’t be back to school without our time-honored tradition: school shootings. There has been a recent spate of shootings in & around college campuses such as at the and the . Security on a college campus is a tricky thing. We wouldn’t want it to feel like a prison, at least not any more than it already does for liberal arts majors, who are already forced to live in small rooms and then have difficulty finding employment upon exiting. No wonder recidivism — AKA grad school — is so common.
An will share the previously-untold timeline of America’s military withdrawal from Afghanistan. The behind-the-scenes detail of the planning process for that shit-show should be very interesting. I plan to read both paragraphs.
Two ex-leaders of the Proud Boys . One of the members “was seen on video spraying a chemical irritant at law enforcement officers outside the Capitol,” which is atrocious behavior. We’re just grateful it was probably something like mace or pepper spray, and not something even more terrifying like mustard gas or Axe body spray.
