Secret Words
The Secret Words Doctors Use to Talk About You
What They’re Really Saying
Ever been hospitalized and felt completely baffled by the strange lingo doctors and nurses throw around? The medical world is teeming with specialized jargon that can leave anyone feeling out of the loop. But here’s the kicker: many of these terms aren’t even real medical jargon! They’re insider code words used by staff to disguise the true meaning.
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Understanding these terms can level the playing field the next time you or a loved one are hospitalized. Here are some of the more common ones used in the US.
These secret terms are often clever disguises for colorful commentary, primarily used among colleagues and hospital staff. They’ve come up with humorous words and phrases to describe amusing medical situations or to mask potentially offensive statements. They’re intended to lighten the mood and ease the tension for the hospital staff, so try not to be offended if you overhear them during your treatment.
“Social Injury of the Rectum”
This term is used when people end up with odd items stuck in their rear ends. Doctors have extracted everything from beer bottles to vegetables and everything in between. Patients often have creative excuses for how these items got there, like “falling on a Barbie doll in the shower.”
“Son/Daughter From California (or New York)”
This term refers to the sudden appearance of a demanding relative who insists on a treatment he read about (usually on the internet). He/She demands it’s considered for his/her dying family member who they haven’t seen in years. They’re often riddled with guilt which makes them a doctor’s nightmare.
“The July Effect”
Have you ever heard that you shouldn’t schedule surgeries in July at teaching hospitals? That’s the “July Effect,” when fresh med school grads start their internships, and inevitably make more mistakes. It’s the month of “oops” in medical school world, so don’t plan your surgeries at teaching hospitals in July, or if possible, the summer months following their graduation.
“Frequent Fliers”
“Frequent fliers” aren’t jet-setting patients. They’re the ones who keep returning to the ER for non-emergencies, well-known by staff and leading to overcrowded emergency facilities. These patients bog down the hospital provider’s precious resources by seeking attention or drugs, but some are substance abusers or mentally ill without medical insurance.
“GOMER” (Get Out of My Emergency Room)
Similar to “Frequent Flyers” but this phrase frequently used by emergency-room physicians in reference to patients with incurable conditions that are often homeless alcoholics, addicts, or senile. Sometimes they’re elderly patients that are barely alive, but cannot perform basic human functions for survival.
They differ from ‘Frequent Flyers’ because they can’t be saved by medical care, and have nowhere else to go (coined in the 1978 novel “The House of God,” by Dr. Steve Bergman.)
“Turfing”
This is the act of transferring or referring a patient to another hospital because of the patient’s medical plan (or lack of). The physician who refuses to admit a patient or “turfs” them to another provider even before they are admitted is called a “WALL”. (Bergman again)
“Bounce” or “Bounce-back”
A term used for patients who return to the Emergency Room within 2–3 days after discharge from ER, regardless of whether the new visit leads to hospitalization or just requires outpatient treatment.
“LOL in NAD”
This term means “Little Old Lady in no apparent mental or physical distress.” Self explanatory and used among hospital staff to indicate she’s not a priority for treatment.
“Zebra”
Doctors are trained to know that when they hear hooves, they should think horses, not zebras. This means they should assume common ailments before rare ones. But that begs the question, what happens when patients have rare diseases? These patients often go through a range of tests and doctors before getting a correct diagnosis. This process is critical to the patient’s survival as well as his bank account.
“Slow Code”
Doctors sometimes encounter patients they believe can’t be saved. At other times, they might have concerns that resuscitation attempts could cause more harm than good (survival but with horrific related injuries). It’s often the fallout of the difficulties.
Instead of voicing this and risking lawsuits, they perform a “slow code” — a deliberately weak attempt at resuscitating a dying patient while waiting for nature to takes its course before they stop CPR. It’s controversial, even among nurses and physicians, because it’s used to placate anxious relatives (and lawyers) standing by, giving families false hope.
“ John Thomas Sign” (also known as JT)
This is not a traffic sign or rock band, but a term used by doctors to describe the position of a man’s penis in an X-ray. If it points toward an injury, it’s positive. If it points away it’s negative. This is common with hip fractures. It’s believed this happens when patients with hip injuries rest at an angle to avoid pain and discomfort, and that causes the penis to point towards the injured hip.
“Dr. Strong”
This term is often used in hospitals to call for security personnel without alarming patients and visitors. It usually means physical assistance is needed to handle a situation.
And a Few More:
Acute Lead Poisoning: Gunshot wound
FLK: Funny Looking Kid
PITA: Pain In The Ass
PMS: Poor Miserable Soul
HONDA: Hypertensive, Obese, Non-compliant, Diabetic, Adult
HIBGIA: Had It Before, Got It Again
Crump: Patient whose condition is deteriorating rapidly; comatose, or unresponsive.
Yellow Submarine: An obese patient with jaundice caused by cirrhosis of the liver.
STAT: Immediately
Code Brown: A bed full of excrement. Clean up for feces needed.
Now that you’ve got the inside scoop on hospital lingo, use your newfound knowledge wisely. Next time you’re in for a hospital stay, try to avoid landing on their secret list of terms. After all, nobody wants to be the “PITA” in a sea of “STAT” emergencies!
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