Avocados Are Good

Frozen avocados are bad.

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Hi, hello, hi. I made a mistake today.

I had a loaf of two-day-old homemade sourdough bread (yes! I have finally started making sourdough which does indeed make me my own hero!). A relative was coming over for lunch and I decided I’d make her the “millennial special,” which is what I pejoratively refer to avocado toast as.

I didn’t have any avocados.

But I said, “Hey! I have that bag of frozen avocados in the freezer. I’ll use that.”

I told you, I made a mistake today.

I bought a bag of frozen avocados because I saw it at the grocery store several times and thought that surely their sudden appearance must mean that the Grocery Scientists had had some breakthrough and had discovered the Next Best Thing.

I daydreamed about the amazing lunch I was about to make. After all, I’m always hearing about how frozen produce is frozen at its peak freshness. My main complaint about avocados are that they have about 8 minutes of peak freshness, before which they are rock hard and after which they are brown mush. I figured if the Grocery Scientists had found a way to capture that 8 minutes, I could tap into it for the rest of time.

They didn’t! Folks! They didn’t.