The Victim Invites the Abuser In

said JK and left me shocked.

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A few years ago, I found myself facing a serious issue of workplace bullying. I was fighting for justice, earning the reputation of being “the difficult one” in the office because I identified issues and wanted to address them.

In this effort, I encountered significant pushback and hostility.

One afternoon — I was fed up already — I remember calling someone I deeply respected, someone I thought could guide me as a young professional on how to handle the situation better.
I will never forget what the voice on the other end of the line said:

“I understand what you’re saying. But what I need to tell you, Christina, is that the victim invites the abuser. Goodnight.”

I was so shocked in that moment that my mind recorded every image I saw: the bushes across from the café where I was walking, a green straw discarded on the sidewalk, a small motorbike parked beside me.

I hung up the phone, numb, and thought, “Did I really hear that?”
“Does he see me as a victim?”
“Does this mean the victim is to blame for what they’re going through?”