Member-only story
To the one trying to love me:
To the man trying to love me after I’ve been through so much: I’m sorry.
I’ve been through so much that sometimes it’s hard to decipher what is real and what is not. I’ve been lied to, manipulated, and controlled. I’ve been gaslighted. Abused:
Physically.
Emotionally.
Psychologically.
Sexually.
Financially.
Excruciatingly.
I know this trauma isn’t yours, it’s mine.. but now because you love me, you have to feel it too.
You feel it when I cry for no reason.
You feel it when I refuse to admit my wrongs.
You feel it when I’m quick to anger.
You feel it when I dissociate and forget everything.
I have a hard time telling left from right; HE was controlling, so are you too? HE was abusive, are you trying to be too? HE was a liar, are you too?
It isn’t your fault and you are not to blame.. but sometimes, my PTSD makes me see HIM instead of you. I forget who I’m talking to. I’m not talking to my loving spouse anymore.. I’m fighting with my abusive ex.
