The Five Basic Needs that Save my Sanity …
and Possibly my Life
Was there ever a time in your life where everything changed for the better?
Mine was when The Counsellor introduced me to Dr William Glasser’s Five Basic Needs.
I didn’t have a lot of parental wisdom to draw from growing up. My father was obsessed with chess and the Chariots of the Gods by . While his mind was on chess moves and aliens my mother was left to keep our heads above water.
So it wasn’t surprising that I needed lots of counselling during my marriage to The Insurance Man. All of it was a waste of time.
I looked for spiritual help with a couple of “healers”, some of that was downright dangerous.
The thing that has stuck with me, helped keep me sane and given me peace and happiness, is meeting my Five Basic Needs.
We all have these Needs to different Degrees
How successfully we meet them equals how successfully we live our lives.
Everyone has these needs to different degrees. So it’s best to understand your needs as a profile and rank them from most important 5, to least important 1. Mine looks like this:
Survival — 3
Love and Belonging — 1
Freedom — 4
Fun — 2
Personal Power — 5
My need for Personal Power (achievement and acknowledgment) is my highest need.
Dah 🤪, that’s why my marriage to The Insurance Man didn’t work. I felt like I had no control in my life, I had no opportunity for my own achievements, and I got little acknowledgement for anything that was important to me.
On top of that I’m a 3 in survival. I lived in very expensive houses with very large mortgages. He used our credit cards to pay wages. I remember walking around expensive suburbs feeling homeless. Everything in our financial life teetered on a knife’s edge. No wonder I developed bipolar disorder.
Better Choices = Better Life
Understanding your Basic Needs helps you to make better choices. You know what you need. Going one way might suit one need but if it’s at the expense of another important need (3 or above), it won’t be sustainable.
If I had known all this much earlier I would have saved a fortune, my sanity (lost for short but damaging periods), a marriage, and a lot of time trekking down rabbit holes.
It Takes a While to get your Needs Profile Right.
Your Needs profile doesn’t change BUT your needs can feel different.
Think of your needs as different sized mason jars filled with beads. Even a small jar (need) will feel super important if it’s very low in beads.
A need might also seem higher than it really is because it’s masking another need. I thought I was high in Love and Belonging because popularity was important to me. I also wanted lots of attention from partners (I was needy 😏). But I was trying to meet my personal power needs through attention.
Work out your Own Needs Profile
Now rank your needs from highest to lowest according to your score. Your highest score makes you a 5 in that need, your lowest a 1.
Is This Making Sense?
Does this fire up a lightbulb for you like it did for me? If so you can take it a step further. You can re-take the test asking yourself: -
How much of this do I have going one right now?
For Example:
- You’re high in Power. The first question is: -
I like to lead and I’m good at it.
Ask yourself, “Am I leading in my life?” Score yourself 1–5 according to how much leadership you have in your life right now.
This exercise will give you ways which you can better meet your needs.
For Example:
- I’m high in Power and I didn’t have any significant opportunities to lead beyond my family. I could have more opportunities in my day job but I didn’t want that. It would mess with my other high need — Freedom.
I have a plan to be a leader on Medium and then Substack through my writing. Even though I’m not actually leading yet, I’m on a journey towards that and it’s enough to meet that need.
So There you Have it
You may be meeting your needs very well without knowing any of this. But if you aren’t give this a go. It really has kept me on track. And there have been times when my choices have taken me over the edge.
I’m happy to answer any questions in the comments.
Best 🥰
Deb
