The Last of Us Is Turning Me Into a Sadomasochist and I Can’t Look Away
Ellie’s Grief in The Last of Us Episode 3 Review: Pain, Memory, and Revenge
The kind of pain and misery The Last of Us is inflicting on me, I swear I might end up a sadomasochist by the time this show is over. As if Abby’s golf swing and Joel’s death weren’t enough, now they’ve decided to show us the emotional wreckage Jackson Hole is dealing with. Joel’s loss is hitting all our beloved characters hard, and the ripple effects are brutal to watch.
If the last episode felt like a nightmare where Abby keeps killing Joel with different golf clubs, then this one felt like someone was pulling Cordyceps out of my brain while I was still alive. Pain isn’t just part of the story in this show — it’s the main character. So let’s start there.
Give Sarah my love
As soon as Tommy(Gabriel Luna) said those words while sitting next to Joel’s body, the pang in my heart spiked. It was the very first line of the episode, and instantly, my mind flooded with memories of Joel and Ellie’s bond. That made the shot of Joel’s broken watch hurt even more.
It’s hard, almost impossible, to imagine The Last of Us without Joel (Pedro Pascal). But the show is moving forward, and I have to respect the boldness of that choice, even if it means smashing our hopes with a golf club and subverting our expectations in the most brutal way possible.
While most of you probably chose not to watch the last episode more than once, I, in a trance of disbelief, watched it five times. That final scene with Abby is now engraved in my memory. Still, when Ellie wakes up in the hospital and relives that moment, with her blaring screams, my heart sank. It somehow felt even more painful and gut-wrenching than it did the first time.
Bella Ramsey is an acting phenomenon for a reason. She never misses, always delivers, and does it on every front. Through Ellie, the show is also hinting at what Abby might have felt when she first saw her father’s lifeless body, and how she’s had to relive that trauma again and again through PTSD. It’s a brilliant way to tell the story, drawing powerful parallels between Abby and Ellie.
Entering Joel and Ellie’s house hit me hard. I’ve lost people too, and I completely related to that scene. Being in a place where you once lived with someone you loved, and suddenly they’re gone, that hollow, nightmarish feeling creeps in from every corner and tries to eat you alive.
It had been ages since Ellie stepped into that house. She had her own room there (I’m crying all over again), and it looked just as she left it before moving into the garage. Everywhere she looked, you could feel Joel’s presence. Every time she opened a door, even knowing the truth, a part of me still expected Joel to be standing there. That’s how strong their bond was — not just with Ellie, but with all of us.
It’s hard to accept that he’s not coming back. This isn’t Arcane. Still, a part of me desperately wanted just one moment, for them to meet, hug, anything, even if it wouldn’t feel plausible or true to the story. I still wanted it.
But what The Last of Us gave us instead was pure emotional torture. Ellie found Joel’s jacket hanging and walked over to hold one of the sleeves. She sniffed it and cried in silence. Her tears felt like bombs landing on my chest. Ellie is showing the world this tough exterior, pretending she’s hurting but healing. Inside, though, she’s shattered and fragile. That kind of buried pain eats you alive, slowly. When you can’t show it to anyone, and eventually not even to yourself, it turns toxic. That’s how someone like Abby is born — cold, hardened, and living for one thing only: revenge.
A handful of coffee beans, the love and memories packed into that simple gesture hold a weight far greater than any caffeine addiction. We all remember how much Joel loved coffee, constantly joking about it with Ellie back in season one. It was something small, mundane, but deeply personal, something they shared.
Ellie placing those beans on Joel’s grave, with that faint smile, hit hard. It was powerful, nostalgic, and heartbreaking all at once. I loved that the scene was set in the early morning, with light still around Ellie. It shows that, for now, she’s still in the light — even as we sense she’ll grow darker as the show goes on.
What moment from this episode crushed you the most? Drop your thoughts, theories, and emotions in the comments. Let’s feel this grief together, one scene at a time. And if you caught more symbolism or parallels I missed, tell me. I want to hear what this episode did to you.
