Member-only story
Sometimes it feels like everything I touch turns gray.
Like I can stare straight at the sun and still not see the light of day.
And why should I be okay with not feeling okay?
Fuck that.
Trying my best but I’m up to my neck in anxiety — struggling to maintain sobriety —
Running — from the shadow I can’t escape.
Every time I cultivate a little flame my tears put it out.
The smoke turns to doubt & now I’m left without.
And yea I celebrate the highs cuz i know they won’t last long,
You know…like everyones favorite 2 minute song —
Except I can’t run it back once it’s gone.
Still, I don’t want much.. I just wanna be in the middle.
Laugh a little cry a little, why can’t it just be simple?
Is this a cursed existence?
How dare I even think that surrounded by so much privilege…
But these thoughts aren’t mine.
& neither is this mind.
& neither is this time.
This is the worst loan ever.
(2021)
