Member-only story
Lost and Found
Reflections on the past year
I’m not typically a yeller, but boy, this year has tested me. I went through the hardest year of my life and hardly anyone knows. I’ve kept it to myself with only a few trusted people knowing what has happened. That alone has been and is hard for me to manage. That not all things need to be shouted from the rooftops.
Sometimes we share too much and we get reactions we don’t like or expect and that can cause us further pain. We may end up getting judged and having to explain ourselves and it becomes more stressful than if we just didn’t share. Not everything is everyone’s business.
Many times this year all I’ve seemed to do is survive. Some days for sure this was true. But when I look back, overall I did not just waste away this year. I was active in working on myself.
I had to be stronger than I ever had to be before. I had to learn to depend on myself for comfort and strength. I had to accept hard truths and get out of denial. I felt weak sometimes but when I look back I don’t see weakness at all. I see a determined, strong person who never gave up, even when they wanted to.
Oh, sometimes I am mad as hell, and I hate everything. Believe me. (I am heal-ing, not healed, after all.) But looking back, I can’t help but be proud of myself.
